Chore Boards

 
I know many people implement chore charts to help with family management. Our guys have chores but we've never codified them into a document before. We hit our limit on an issue, so we finally did. We've been awoken by screaming 6 days out of 7 for weeks on end. I haven't read the Geneva Conventions but it sure feels like it would qualify as cruel and unusual punishment. It definitely sets a bad tone for the day even if it's not technically torture.

The screaming involves the morning routine. Someone feels they should control someone else and that someone resists with every fiber in their vocal cords. They both do it, I can't pin it exclusively on either one. Since I try to solve problems with actions, I made chore boards. I was hoping that by giving them something of their own to focus on, they'd stop picking at each other. So far this week it's been great. Four mornings in a row with no screaming - which has become so rare, it's memorable even if the record doesn't hold.

The basis for the idea was all the menu planning boards I've seen on the craft blogs. I thought magnetic boards would be very versatile, easy for younger Toad to use, and easy to create. However, for the life of me, I couldn't find non-Teflon cookie sheets. I went to four stores and then gave up. I think if I wasn't in a hurry I could have found the old steel ones at the thrift store so I'll have to keep looking. Mother Earth News has been running articles about the dangers of Teflon coated light bulbs in chicken coops. I thought if that could kill a chicken in a night it shouldn't be in my kid's room.

Since plan A was nixed I went with stuff I had around. The clothespins came off my laundry line, the wood was left over from art class sculptures (post here), the paper and shells were from my scrapbooking supplies. I always have contact paper around for laminating. Grand total the project cost $.57 for the little train. They took about three hours to do including formatting the chart on the computer, laminating the cards, and painting the clothespins. It was more time consuming to do two different versions, including pictures for the pre-reader but I didn't want the yelling to change into “No that one is mine.”

It would have been easier to print something out on the computer and post it on the fridge; but I've created little craft monsters and knew they would need more inspiration if the boards were going to get used. When younger Toad saw his board, he was really excited and showed it to Grandpa first thing. I smiled since I thought that meant I might actually be on to something.

The feedback from the Toads has been positive and they've asked why don't we have one for night time routine too. Nightime routine could always be smoother so, as soon as I can come up with some cookie sheets, I'll be redoing the boards with magnets.

I broke down and am going to try to learn to love Pinterest.  I love looking at other people's boards but felt like if I did my own I was just setting myself up for more work.  So as a trial, I'll see if it keeps me organized.  I set up a Pinterest board for this project here which shows the two versions of this project I used for inspiration and the two I created.

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Disciplining myself

I said I'd do another post about my own discipline confessions. I did do some soul searching after my reading and I found 2 areas I really need to work on.

I'm guilty of using vague language. When playtime gets a little rough and I intervene, I shouldn't be saying "Play nice with your friends." How is a 2 year old supposed to know what nice means? Sounds obvious but I've said such words a bunch of times and once I started listening to other moms we're all guilty of that sort of language. Adverbs just weren't designed for little people. So I've started substituting descriptive language. "When we play with the train, it stays on it's tracks" in place of previous nondescript phrase. Harder than it sounds since it's requiring a bit of a phase shift in the mental patterns.

Also, I phrase requests to my 2 year old the same as I would to an adult. Good modeling but not so good at getting the actions I want. I start too many sentences with "Could you..." These are often not really requests such as "Could you come here so we can put your shoes on?" A fellow adult would see the need and not bat an eye but a snarky toddler sees the opening for a big debate. I'm trying to rephrase so that he either gets a command or real choices. So it's better when I say "I need you to come here so we can put your shoes on." Much clearer path to consequences and less opening for debate. Or, "We need to put your shoes on. Do you want to do it on the sofa or the chair?" So he gets some control but the shoes get on.

I'm sure in 6 months I'll have to reread all the books to work on a whole new stack of challenges but it at least gave me some things to work on and areas for improvement. I hope it pays off.

Discipline discussion

So we had a very disciplined discussion this month.

The reading highlights that I did:

One of the standouts was Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey, PhD. It really emphasized good, clear communication skills that frankly I'm able to put to use at work as well as with my toddler. I did get a bit bogged down on how she's labeling her approach ie, the 7 powers for self control vs. the 7 discipline skills but within each it was concisely written and helpful. It reminded me of the work of Marshall Rosenberg. His Center for Nonviolent Communication is http://www.cnvc.org.

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has 2 books I read. I read Raising Your Spirited Child last year and found it insightful. For this group I read Kids, Parents and Power Struggles. There is a fair bit of overlap between the 2 books. She does rely heavily on personality type, trying to decipher both yours and your kids and adjusting your behavior appropriately. I think that will be of more value as my kid gets older.

See my previous post about Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen, PhD.

I did read some 'regular' discipline books such as Drawing the Line by Michael Weiss, PhD and Sheldon Wagner, PhD. Their whole book is easily summarized - any behavior you've identified as a problem is solved through as many short time outs as it takes to change the behavior. That just left me with wondering with what happens when your kid is physically too big to carry around? It didn't leave me feeling like it added to my skill set. Also, Dr. Karp's Happiest Toddler on the Block. I was underwhelmed by that one - poorly arranged and simplistic. Besides, I already have the happiest toddler on the block since I have the only one.

A good book list for more ideas is on the gentle discipline forum for Mothering magazine. You can join here.

So after all that reading I'm going to do another post next week about how I'm attempting to transform myself into WonderMom through better communication.

Playful Parenting vs. straight up discipline

I'm reading Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen, Phd. It's a great read. Instead of the type of parenting book where you alternate between "duh, I'm not that stupid" & "no way with my kid" this one is really creative. I feel like I could put these principles into practice and get results.

I saw Dr. Cohen speak at the LLL Florida conference and last year and while I enjoyed his talk, I couldn't visualize putting his ideas into practice since Finn was just over a year and conflict was pretty minimal.

And the best part about it is it sounds fun. Rather than be the policeman and count seconds in time out, it's about how to use laughter and fun to work around an impasse. I really like the idea of being a parent, meaning the hopefully wiser adult, not the bad guy, so this really speaks to me.
His website is www.playfulparenting.com